and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
