My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
