New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
