can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
