just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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