My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
