My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
