Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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