chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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