she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
