On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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