"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize