Having a random hookup so left but love u
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
