if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think i got beer on your cat.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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