You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize