She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
