i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
