she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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