you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
