hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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