Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
