Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
