Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The air was thick with penises
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
