You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im holly from the hills drunk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
