i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
