I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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