You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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