There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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