need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
