Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
