did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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