after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
