I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize