Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
