highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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