Welp...herpes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
