If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's great music for shaving your balls
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize