It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
