Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
