We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
