we're chasing vodka with high fives
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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