Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
