i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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