She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
