absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize