no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
why is half of my head shaved?
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