the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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