I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
