Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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