She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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