she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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