Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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