So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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