I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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