dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
