I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
