Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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