plz talk dirty to me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
