??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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