All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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