I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
