i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize