So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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