It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
