went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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