I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize