So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
