Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
