i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
