please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
