i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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