Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
