i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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