as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
