Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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