I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
