Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's Friday. Sex?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
