I'm jealous of your bromance
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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