If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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