there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
