thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
