we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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