She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
