he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
