either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
