smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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