Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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