drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
