best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
