Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I faked an abortion last night.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize