guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
