I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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