Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this just has baby written all over it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
