You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
