Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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