can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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