Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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