That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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